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Existing not living

I'm at the point where I simply exist. I am stuck in my own head and it's not a pleasant place to be. I have so many questions, so many what ifs. I need to accept the fact that what I want simply isn't going to happen. I've tried to get my message across but it seems it's falling on deaf ears. I can do no more. I have no fight left in me. The days all blur into one. I have no purpose. No meaning. Just emptiness. I wake up every morning and can't help but cry. The pain is horrendous. I can be going about my day and it hits me, catches me off guard and I'm brought to my knees consumed in grief. To the point where I can't breath. I cannot see an escape to this. There is nothing that can make the pain go away. The only joy I have is seeing that others are having good things happen in their life as result of this. If me being in daily turmoil means the people important to me do well then it's a small price to pay.  To finish off I'm going off grid for...
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Nothings changed

The games have started again, Haven't i gone through enough pain? In my head he's permantley fixed, Sending signals that are all mixed. What is it he actually wants? I torture myself every single day, If I could then I would find a way. To see him and tell him it was all true, I don't know what else to do.  Instead I live in fear, Of what he could do to me or the ones I hold dear. Would he hurt me again just to save face? I just wish I knew my place.
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with or without you

See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side. I wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails he makes me wait And I wait - without you With or without you With or without you. Through the storm, we reach the shore You gave it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you With or without you With or without you. I can't live with or without you. And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give, and you give And you give yourself away. My hands are tied, my body bruised Hes got me with nothing to win And nothing else to lose. And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give, and you give And you give yourself away. With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you. With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you With or without you.
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I slept in bed

 I slept in my bed last night.  May not seem a big deal, but you see i haven't been able to sleep in there for 53 days.  I managed around 4 hours sleep, but I'm proud that I managed any at all. I lay there for hours, talking myself out of just getting up and going back to the comfort of the sofa. You see there should be someone else in that bed. There should also be someone else on the sofa but it wasn't the same as in our bed.  Our bed has so so many happy memories. It has a lot of bad aswell. But even though I try not to dwell on that when I look around the bedroom I am haunted by the bad. I hate that room. I also hate the room next to it.  I've gone where I hate the whole house. It's no longer a home. Just a shell. A silent, lonely shell where I hide away from the world.  I'm in turmoil. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I'm confused. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. Heartbroken. Pining.  I can't help but think should the worst outcome happen I have no choice bu...
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No Broken Bones Theory 2

  Psalm 34:20  He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken. … in the context of the righteous. Exodus 12, God instructs the Israelites not to break any bones of the Passover lamb which is seen as  a symbol of protection and purity . This is further exemplified in the New Testament, where it is noted that none of Jesus' bones were broken during his crucifixion, symbolizing divine safeguarding.” In short, the other similar theory is that you have a healing spirit, you were sent to this earth to heal people.  That is why you never break a bone, you are full of healing energy, therefor your bones simply cannot be broken.There is another trait I have from a different theory which would also suggest that i was sent here to heal people. I will publish said theory in due course. I do find that i like to help try and 'fix' people. I befriend people who need help. i have always offered my help to anyone in any which way i can. i also seem to have romantic relationships...
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You Complete Me

Looking back on when we first met I cannot escape and I cannot forget Baby you're the one, you still turn me on You can make me whole again Time is laying heavy on my heart Seems I've got too much of it Since we've been apart My friends make me smile If only for while You can make me whole again
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If I Let You Go

  If I Let You Go... Search Results Day after day, time pass away And I just can't get you off my mind Nobody knows I hide it inside I keep on searching, but I can't find The courage to show to letting you know I've never felt so much love before And once again I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out But if I let you go, I will never know What my life would be holding you close to me Will I ever see you smiling back at me? how will I know if I let you go? Night after night I hear myself say Why can't this feeling just fade away? There's no one like you  You speak to my heart  It's such a shame we're worlds apart I'm too shy to ask, I'm to proud to lose But sooner or later I got to choose And once again I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out But if I let you go I will never know What my life would be holding you close to me Will I ever see you smiling back at me?    how will I know if I let you go? If I let you go Once again I'm thi...
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