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I slept in bed

 I slept in my bed last night. 

May not seem a big deal, but you see i haven't been able to sleep in there for 53 days. 

I managed around 4 hours sleep, but I'm proud that I managed any at all. I lay there for hours, talking myself out of just getting up and going back to the comfort of the sofa.

You see there should be someone else in that bed. There should also be someone else on the sofa but it wasn't the same as in our bed. 

Our bed has so so many happy memories. It has a lot of bad aswell. But even though I try not to dwell on that when I look around the bedroom I am haunted by the bad. I hate that room. I also hate the room next to it. 

I've gone where I hate the whole house. It's no longer a home. Just a shell. A silent, lonely shell where I hide away from the world. 

I'm in turmoil. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I'm confused. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. Heartbroken. Pining. 

I can't help but think should the worst outcome happen I have no choice but to accept the emptiness. The quiet. The haunting memories. Accept that it is no more. 

I can't do that just yet. I'm not ready. I have barely any fight left but I will use what I have until the very end. I just hope the end comes soon. I'm so very very tired. 

Comments

  1. Valleyboi19 February 2025 at 14:43

    deep words no-broken bones i have a similar scenario myself I believe talking to someone nuetral helps if you have an email address there is an anonymous help email i use

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nobrokenbones19 February 2025 at 15:09

    I do, how do I access this please?

    ReplyDelete

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